How Do I Love Thee?

I could count the ways, but would you feel loved? Although romantic, some require more than poetry, or words of affirmation to feel it.

Gary Chapman devised five communication tools to apply to relationships; Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch. What’s the catch? It’s not one size fits all.

Some people need to hear it. Words of Affirmation comes in more forms than poetry though. They could be anything from “I love you” to “Great job!” Be mindful that negative words can have the opposite effect on this personality type. Apologies help but do not erase completely with this loved one.

Time is everything, and sometimes you don’t have to say a word. This person desires Quality Time from those they love. Life can get busy, so this can be challenging. It is important to set aside time to spend with this personality type because it won’t matter what else you do, they won’t feel loved without it.

We all love gifts, right? Some of us need gifts more than we need spoken words or time. It’s not necessarily the price value of the item but the thought behind the process. If this is your love language, take note who you communicate to with it. Receiving gifts does not say “I love you” to everyone.

Saturday mornings are my favorite. My husband is off work which means he’ll serve me breakfast in bed. This Act of Service tells me who I am and what I do is appreciated. I feel so loved by this. Be mindful not to speak this language to the wrong personality. Although everyone can appreciate a good deal, it could lead to frustration if not coupled with the desired communication tool.

The love language Physical Touch might land your mind in the gutter. Love making can be included if referring to your partner, but it also includes all types of physical touch. A hug, handshake, or pat on the back can go a long way with this loved one and nothing can take its place.

If you want to become the Shakespeare of love, study the Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman in one of his many books about the subject. There’s one for every relationship in your life!


Lori Youngblood is a recovering drug addict.  Her mission is to help others gain knowledge about the disease of addiction.